Archive for November, 2009
Nov
23
Secret to Happiness – The Inner Voice Part 5
Posted by: | CommentsOur past experiences, even the things we don’t usually think about, are all alive and active in our daily life in the form of an inner voice. Although most people do not “Hear” this voice in the same way it is constantly repeating those original messages to us. This can determine our happiness within.
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For people with healthy self-esteem the messages of the inner voice are positive and reassuring, which makes for a person to choose happiness. For people with low self-esteem, the inner voice becomes a harsh inner critic, constantly criticizing, punishing, and belittling their accomplishments.
Do you ever find yourself berating yourself for something that you’ve done? Have you ever found yourself struggling with something that you know you should do but keep talking yourself out of? That’s your inner invoice. This is going to make for your unhappiness.
Your inner voice will say things like, “You can’t do this”. “There’s no way you can succeed”, and “Why bother trying, you’ll just fail”. Your inner voice is your harshest critic and the one who will lower your self-esteem the quickest. You need to change that inner voice from a negative influence to a positive one.
We all have an inner voice. You should talk back to it. Combat it. Let it know that you are the one in control, not it! Don’t let it take your happiness within away. Let’s look at some of the dialogue the inner voice will tell you and healthy ways to rebut what it is saying.
When the inner voice is unfairly harsh:
“People said they liked my presentation, but it was nowhere near as good as it should have been. I can’t believe no-one noticed all the places I messed up. I’m such an imposter.”
Counteract by being reassuring yourself:
“Wow, they really liked it! Maybe it wasn’t perfect, but I worked hard on that presentation and did a good job. I’m proud of myself. This was a great success.” With these reactions your happiness within stays intact.
If the inner voice is unrealistically generalizing as in:
“I got an F on the test. I don’t understand anything in this class. I’m such an idiot. Who am I fooling? I shouldn’t be taking this class. I’m stupid and I don’t belong in college.”
Tell that inner voice something specific:
“I did poorly on this one test, but I’ve done O.K. on all the homework. There are some things here that I don’t understand as well as I thought I did, but I can do the material. I’ve done fine in other classes that were just as tough. With this way you are choosing happiness.
The inner voice might also be extremely illogical:
“He is frowning. He didn’t say anything; but I know it means that he doesn’t like me!”
Tell that voice something that is purely logical:
“O.K., he’s frowning, but I don’t know why. It could have nothing to do with me. Maybe I should ask.”
Finally, the inner voice will take things to extremes:
“She turned me down for a date! I’m so embarrassed and humiliated. No one likes or cares about me. I’ll never find a girlfriend. I’ll always be alone.
It’s time to tell that inner voice things aren’t nearly as bad as they make them out to be.
“Ouch! That hurt. Well, she doesn’t want to go out with me. That doesn’t mean no one does. I know I’m attractive and a nice person. I’ll find someone. I always choose to be happy, so there has to be someone that is going to appreciate that”
In general, when that inner voice begins putting you down, counteract with a positive statement. Don’t let that voice overtake you and talk you into something that just isn’t true. You are in control, not the inner critic. Take charge and begin the journey toward more positive thinking and your happiness within!
One way to do this is through positive affirmations. This isn’t new age anything, it’s simply a way for you to infuse positive self talk into your life and calm that negative inner voice.
Utilizing positive affirmations can be a very powerful tool for transforming what a person thinks about himself and as a result improve the individual’s self-esteem. The consistent use of positive affirmations will transform the negative beliefs about who a person thinks he is into positive ones, will begin to alter the basic and structure of his self talk or inner voice and produce a transformation from poor self-esteem to positive self-esteem and happiness within. Making you very confront able in your own skin.
The key to the effective use of positive affirmation or any other type of intervention is consistency. The self-image and the negative thoughts about who a person thinks he is that generates his experience of poor or negative self-esteem is well established in the his belief system. In many cases the development of a negative self-image took years to create and has been reinforced through repetitive behavioral validation.
Because positive self-affirmations are a key in developing healthy self-esteem, we will look at these a bit more closely in part 6.
Obviously I would like to hear any comments you may have at this point. Go to the bottom of this post and leave them in the box. Thank You! Hearing your input is always appreciated.
Debbie Dee
Nov
20
Secret to Happiness: 3 Faces of Low-Esteem Part 4
Posted by: | CommentsThere are actually three “faces” that people with low self-esteem wear. See if you see yourself in any of these personalities:
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The Imposer: acts like they have the secret to happiness and successful, but is really terrified of failure. The imposer lives with the constant fear that she or he will be “found out.” They need continuous success to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem, which may lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition and burn-out.
Nov
18
Secret To Happiness: Do I Have Low Self-Esteem Part 3
Posted by: | CommentsWhile you might already have a good indication that you are suffering from low self-esteem, it might be a good idea to explore this a little further. The more we explore our personality the closer we can be to choose happiness with all our choice we make in life. 
Take this simple quiz.
Personality Self-Esteem Assessment
Directions: Answer T if the statement is true for you. Answer F if the statement is false for you.
T F I am able to discuss my good points, skills, abilities, achievements and successes with others.
T F I assert myself with someone whom I believe is violating or ignoring my rights.
T F I am content with who I am, how I act, and what I do in life.
T F I am not bothered by feelings of insecurity or anxiety when I meet people for the first time.
T F My life is balanced between work, family life, social life, recreation/leisure and spiritual life.
T F I am aware of the roles I played in my family of origin and have usually been able to make these
behavior patterns work for me in my current life.
T F I am bonded with the significant others in my environment at home, work, school, at play, or in the
community.
T F I am able to perform the developmental tasks necessary to ensure my ongoing healthy self-esteem.
T F I am satisfied with my level of achievement at school, work, home, and in the community.
T F I am a good problem solver; my thinking is not clouded by irrational beliefs or fears.
T F I am willing to experience conflict, if necessary to protect my rights.
If you selected F for three or more of the preceding questions, you probably need to work at increasing your self-esteem, so you can find your happiness within. That’s what we’re here for! But that comes a little later!
There are many, many indicators that a person has low-self-esteem. Consider this list.
People with low self- esteem:
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Consider themselves lost, unworthy of being cared for
Nov
16
Secret to Happiness: What is Self-Esteem? Part 2
Posted by: | CommentsSome people think that self-esteem means confidence and of course confidence comes into it, but it’s more than that.
- choose to be happy with good self-esteem (i-stock)
The fact is that there are any numbers of apparently confident-people who can do marvelous things but who have poor self-esteem. Many people in the public eye fall into this category. Actors and comedians and singers in particular can seem to glow with assurance on stage and yet off stage many of them feel desperately insecure.
Individuals can be stunningly attractive and world famous, and seem poised and perfect, but deep down find it hard to value themselves. Think of the late Princess of Wales and Marilyn Monroe and you’ll accept I think that public opinion is no guarantee of self-belief.
If self-esteem isn’t quite the same thing as confidence, what is it?
The word ‘esteem’ comes from a Latin word which means ‘to estimate’. Self-esteem is how you estimate yourself.
To do that you need to ask yourself certain questions:
Do I like myself?
Do I think I’m a good human being?
Am I someone deserving of love?
Do I deserve happiness?
Do I really feel – both in my mind and deep in my guts, that I’m an OK person?
People with low self-esteem find it hard to answer ‘yes’ to these questions. Perhaps you are one of them. If you’re reading this post, we think you are. Don’t despair. Just reads on!
The concept of self-esteem can be summed up as: Confidence in our ability to think and in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life and confidence in your right to be successful and happy. The feelings of being worthy, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and wants, achieve our values and enjoy the fruits of our efforts.
We also commonly think that self-esteem is merely about how we feel about ourselves at any particular moment. While seemingly existing in degrees, we tend to believe that we have positive or negative self-esteem and that we make that determination simply by how we feel about ourselves.
However, our feelings or emotions do not exist alone or have an independent existence. We do not just simply feel. For every feeling or emotion that we have, either positive or negative, there is a corresponding thought that we have about ourselves that generates the experience of self-esteem.
Whether positive or negative, self-esteem is merely how our psycho experiences the thoughts that we have about ourselves. If a person has positive thoughts about himself or herself they will experience positive or good self-esteem. On the other hand, if the individual has negative thoughts about whom he or she is then they will experience poor or negative self-esteem.
To truly understand what self-esteem is all about more importantly to be able to alter it when necessary for ones wellness or healing, we must first get it that we develop or create about ourselves. The thoughts or beliefs that we have about ourselves are crucial in that they determine or create the structure of our experience of self-esteem and the various emotions associated with it.
We also tend to think of our self-esteem as being something that is shaped by the events that take place in our life, particularly those from our past. We tend to believe that who we think we are and how we feel about ourselves is merely the product, effect or caused by the experiences that we have had in the past, it says that we are who we are by virtue of what has happened to us as human beings.
More specifically, we tend to think that the cause in the matter of whom we think we are and our self-esteem is due to circumstance, situation or others, people, places and things. We do not tend to think that our self-esteem is something we actually developed or created. Our personal self-esteem is shaped by our past and the experiences we have had in our lives.
We crested our thoughts and with it our emotions from the meaning that we gave to the events that took place in our life, especially at an early age. We give meaning to everything in our life including and most importantly to ourselves. At an early age the meaning that we give an event that are important but rather the meaning that we give them and especially how we made it out to be about our identity. Say for example at a young age you were taught, “I can do this”, when challenged with a new task. You will grow up with a good self-esteem, because you were taught that you could accomplish things. Now on the other hand if you were taught, “You can’t do that”, you are going come away with a lower self-esteem.
Living in a stat of low self-esteem can be very damaging to the quality of life you lead on a daily basis. Your self-esteem is YOUR opinion of yourself, but far too many people allow others to influence or even make up their opinion for them. It sounds so very silly, but if you think on this you will realize how certain events, comments and encounters helped to “make or Break” your self-esteem.
In the part 3 we will be looking at some indicators that you might have low self-esteem.
I know these indicators very well; you see I grew up with low self-esteem and it is a problem that can be fixed.
As we move forward with this, please feel FREE to leave any indicators that you may have in the comment area.
May you all be blessed with happiness!
Debbie Dee
P.S. Sit back and enjoy this movie: “Big Shoes” while we go through this course on self-esteem. Everything starts with believe and faith. THE ANSWERS WILL COME!
Nov
13
Secret to Happiness is Good Self-Estemm Part 1
Posted by: | CommentsWHERE DOES OUR SELF-ESTEEM COME FROM?
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Our self-esteem develops and evolves throughout our lives as we build an image of ourselves through our experiences with different people and activities. Experiences during childhood play a particularly large role in the shaping of our basic self-esteem. This can bring about adults who always choose to be happy or unhappy adults.
When we were growing up, our successes (and failure) and how we were treated, by the members of our immediate family, by our teachers, coaches, religious authorities, and by our peers, all contribute to the creation of our basic self-esteem and happiness within.
An adult who has healthy self-esteem was given this gift in childhood. This could have been done in many ways. Probably one of the most important is being praised for accomplishments. Children who are talked to respectfully and listened to also contributed to healthy self-esteem in adulthood. These children were hugged often and given attention and experienced some type of success in school or sporting activities. They grow up into healthy happy adults.
On the other side of the spectrum, we have to identify the childhood for those adults who have poor or low self-esteem. These children were often criticized harshly, were yelled at or beaten, and were given little attention by those they were closet to. They were ridiculed and even teased as they experienced failures in their young lives. They were made to feel they had to be perfect in order to be valued and associated failure in situations as a failure of their whole selves.
It’s sad, isn’t it? To think of a child treated that way. What’s even sadder is the effect that treatment has on their lives as adults. We are shaped and molded by our experiences. Do you recognize yourself?
How we feel about ourselves can influence how we live our lives, whether we choose to be happy and successful or live unhappy lives. People who feel that they are likable and lovable (in other words people with good self-esteem) have better relationships and always choose happiness. They are more likely to ask for help and support from friends and family when they need it. People who believe they can accomplish goals and solve problems are more likely to do well in school. Having good self-esteem allows you to accept yourself and live life to the fullest, being happy within.
Self-esteem plays a role in almost everything we do. People with high self-esteem do better in school and find it easier to make friends. They tend to have better relationships with peers and adults, feel happiness within, find it easier to deal with mistakes, disappointments, and failures, and are more likely to stick with something until they succeed. It takes some work, but it’s a skill you’ll have for life.
These postings are about how to raise your self-esteem, so I shall focus on the low self-esteem that many people have these days. You can overcome issues with low self-esteem. It’s not as difficult as you might think. In fact, all you have to do is recognize, understand, and use the techniques I shall give you.
In the mean time I would like you to enjoy this movie “Eagles Parable”, because after we get through with this course on self-esteem you will be able to fly like an eagle. Bookmark this movie or get your DVD and prepare yourself to fly, “Eagle Parable”.
If anyone is recognizing them self in this part I look forward to hearing your comments.
In part 2 we will be talking about “What self-esteem is”. Until then may you be blessed with happiness!
Debbie Dee
Nov
11
Secret to Happiness is Good Self-Esteem
Posted by: | CommentsEsteem is a simple word. It is worth and value that we apply to people, places, and situations. It is the amount of respect we assess. We have esteem for our world leaders. We have esteem for places like church and synagogue. We have esteem for an exemplary performance whether it is in sports, acting, or simply doing the right thing.
But the most important place we need to apply esteem is within ourselves to find our happiness within. We must maintain our self-esteem in order to place value on ourselves as a worthy individual in the world. Self-esteem can affect every single part of our lives. If that esteem is low, our lives will be dull and gray. Elevating esteem four ourselves could very well be the key to happiness in life.
Most people’s feelings and thoughts about themselves fluctuate somewhat based on their daily experiences. The grade you get on an exam, how your friends treat you, ups and downs in a romantic relationship-all can have a temporary impact on your wellbeing.
Your own self-esteem however is something more fundamental than the normal “ups and downs” associated with situational changes. For people worthy good basic self-esteem, normal “ups and downs” may lead to temporary fluctuations in how they feel about themselves, but only to a limited extent. In contrast, for people with poor basic self-esteem, these “ups and downs” may make all the difference in the world.
People with poor self-esteem often rely on how they are doing in the present to determine how they feel about themselves. They need positive external experiences to counteract the negative feelings and thoughts that constantly plague them. Even then, the good feelings (from a good grade, etc,) can be temporary. Here is a positive movie to help you on your way to good self-esteem in those low moments. Everyone needs a pick me up once in a while, so just click here “My Best Self” and receive your pick me up if needed.
Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately (know ourselves) and still be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally, which makes for happiness within us. This means being able to realistically acknowledge our strengths and limitations (which is part of being human) and at the same time accepting ourselves as worth and worthwhile without conditions or reservations. To realize that we are a very special human being; because there is no one else like us (everyone is different in their own way) which makes for SPECIAL.
What I want to do is help you raise your self-esteem to levels that will enhance your life and the way you view life. It can make a tremendous difference in your quality of life and happiness within you. Learning techniques to raise self-esteem can be taught and put into practice at anytime in your life. It doesn’t matter how young or old you are. However, it will take practice to keep self-worth at the forefront.
I can show you how to improve your self-esteem and find that happiness you are looking for. I am doing a series on self-esteem for the next month. It is going to include the following:
1. Where Does our Self-Esteem Come From?
2. What is Self-Esteem?
3. Do I Have Low Self-Esteem?
4. The Inner Voice
5. Positive Affirmations
6. Self-Nurturing
7. Calling Out “The Troops”
8. Positive Self-Talk
9. Your Environment
10.Kids and Self-Esteem
11.Coping with Criticism
12.Quick Start Guide
I have become an authority on this subject to do the fact I have had to build my self-esteem from the basement to the top floor and I didn’t stop at the 2nd floor, no I’ve gone to the top of the sky scraper and still know how to stay humble. You see; when one gains good self-esteem they realize that they never know everything and there is always room to learn more. The secret to happiness begins with self-esteem and knowing there is always someone that may have a better idea then you do or the ability to enhance your idea. To get you started on this course I encourage you to take the time to watch this short movie “My Best Self”. When I need a pick me up I go back and review it. There is an instant download available if you would like. If you prefer you can always refer back to this blog or just bookmark the movie.
As I go into this series of self-esteem I clearly appreciate any input that you can give me with your comments. Self-esteem can make or break a person; How has it helped your happiness or taken from your happiness? Look forward to your comments. Thank you and don’t forget to watch this powerfully done movie for self-esteem “My Best Self”
Debbie Dee
The happy Maker
Nov
09
Happiness Within, Don’t let Anyone Snatch it Away!
Posted by: | CommentsSometimes to keep our happiness we do have adversities that we have to overcome. I received this email and it really makes me angry. Yes, it is OK to be happy, but yet feel anger. Anger can be a response to making things right. It can be recognizing that there is a problem that needs solved.
When I look at these pictures I feel that for our future happiness and the happiness of future generations this is a problem.
These pictures were taken from London. However I do know this for sure, you can only believe half of what you see and less of what you read. Supposedly these pictures are from Muslins marching through the streets of London during their “Religion of 
peace Demonstration.” A Canadian forwarded this e mail because that Canadian felt that American’s should see this, since it is not shown on our TV or newspapers.
When it comes to choosing happiness we have to look at any given situation and decide if it is a problem that needs to be solved or if it just someone’s opinion. In my opinion yes, this is a problem, but we cannot turn our anger toward all Muslims, just like we may be angry with a drunk driver that caused traffic accident and took someone’s life. All drivers are not drinking while driving. Even though sometimes, it does appear like they got their license out of a cereal box.
Anger is good when it is used constructively. Right now our country (America) is trying to solve this problem. What we can do that is going to help us stay happy within, is back our military troops fighting this war. Practice compassion for our neighbors and people in time of need. Never forget that “Happiness within starts with compassion.”
Remember this; “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness followed him, like a shadow that never leaves him.” By Buddha
In this situation if a group of Muslims really believe what these signs say and they are carrying them around in a demonstration this is an evil act. Evil will follow them. As Americans we need to keep our thoughts pure and do things for the right reasons and happiness within shall follow us.
I realize you may be thinking this is off the wall for a post on a happy blog, but we live in a world that has a lot going on at all times, just like in our daily lives do. If we do not take a look at what is going on around us and pay attention, someone can come and snatch it away while we are not looking.
Choose to be happy by paying attention to our surrounding and what is going on in the world. If these pictures are the real thing we need to back our armed forces everyday and be thankful for them.
God Bless all free countries in this world and may we all join forces to provide a peaceful and loving world to future generation, so they can always have happiness within.
Debbie Dee
P.S. A Tender Warrior represents a collection of experience, photographs and wisdom from the life of a General which is a perspective most of us will never have. The essence of leadership is caring about people and General Moore was and is a master in the art of caring. Thank those who have, are and will serve for their leadership, dedication and great example for all of us to follow. Enjoy this 3 minute movie
Nov
05
Choose Happiness, it is in your Control and NO one else’s!
Posted by: | Comments
Happiness is purely a choice you alone make. Change the way you think and create an ongoing positive outlook with yourself. Yaro Starak has a wonderfully written blog post on happiness within that I would like to share with you. You can find it at http://www.entrepreneurs-journey.com/396/key-to-happiness/
He has a really wonderful exercise that everyone needs to try when it comes to finding happiness within.
Nov
04
How Happy are You, in your life, RIGHT NOW?
Posted by: | CommentsAre you happy, but still have some emotions from the past that keeps you a little stuck?
When we can release emotions from the present or past that have us stuck we become happier. The more we “Let Go” the happier we become. We really begin to uncover our own secret to happiness and find happiness within. I know the pain of those emotions from the past. I’m a very happy positive person, but I’m human just like everyone else and there was some junk I was having trouble getting rid of until I came across “Happiness Now.”
Find your happiness within
Let me tell you the story: In 2008 my mother died and as it turns out I probably have the family from hell. It is amazing what can come out in a time of crisis. When my mother got to the point that she could no longer live in her own house by herself the crap came tumbling down. My oldest sister was determined to get her hands on the money from the sale of my mother’s house. My oldest brother was determined to keep her in the same town he lives in, but he wanted to just put her in a rest home and forget she was there. One of my younger brothers who also was the executive of her will, because my parents had made a loan to him years ago in which he turned some stock over to them for the cash up front (they left the stock in his name and he had them pay the taxes on it I found out later). He wanted to keep that money for himself rather than use it to take care of her and keep her in her house. We won’t talk about the alcoholic sister I have that as no clue anymore about anything other than calling social services on me after I moved our mother into my house in another state.
Anyway to make a long story short, the oldest brother cleaned out her house and gave away all her stuff, so I never really got any of the precious little things of hers to remember her by. All I have is those wonderful memories, she and I shared and the 5 months I did have her close to me. He didn’t even show up for her funeral. My oldest sister did split up the money from her house with everyone, even the brother that gave her stuff away and didn’t show up for her funeral. And yes the younger brother did run of with about $100,000.00 that could have been used to take care of her in the way she would have loved to be taken care of.
After all this happen I was having a lot of trouble with choosing happiness, because I would get angry every time I thought of my mother, her happiness and those precious little things of hers that were just given way to anybody. My emotions were getting in the way of happiness and it was clearly getting to be a big problem for me.
Then I came across the “Happiness Now” course. It is a course unlike ANYTHING I’ve ever seen before. Its results absolutely blew me away. It provided me with a simple, powerful, natural method of releasing the “BAD EMOTIONS” that I was holding on too. Now I am back to happiness within for myself, And loving every minute of it.
“Happiness Now” teaches a simple system of guided “releasing”, bringing about profound benefits in ALL areas of your life – leading you toward ultimate, lasting happiness within.
It involves asking yourself a few simple questions and just watching your troublesome emotions drop away, right before your eyes. If bad emotions are the only thing holding you back from finding your happiness within I highly recommend this course.
Does this sound like you? Are you having trouble with past or present emotions? Lack of money when everyone around you is doing great? Fear for the future? Do you find past experiences, fears and phobias holding you back, when you’d prefer to break through and enjoy more freedom and choice? Would you like to master your emotions and uncover the ULTIMATE KEY to lasting happiness within?
I feel your pain, because I have been there and this course “HAPPINESS NOW” did a world of good for me. If you are having these problems I do HIGHLY RECOMMEND this course. Just check it out by clicking on the links or banner.
Thank you, that is my true story and if you have any comments I would appreciate them. There is a survivor in all of us; we just have to find the right help sometimes. I certainly did.
Debbie Dee
Nov
02
Choose Happiness and be Positive Regardless of Adversity
Posted by: | CommentsWe all know with the economy the way it is that times are tough. It has become a phrase that is a permanent part of our language. I believe it is also a phrase that prevents us from climbing out of a negative situation. We are focusing on a tough economy, rather than answers and solutions.
I have found that what you give attention to GROWS. The only way to move through adversity is to maintain a strong, positive attitude, regardless of anything else. A positive attitude can be as strong as steel. It will consistently lead you to the answers and solutions one needs to move through changing situations. In my FREE E-BOOK chapter 5 teaches you about positive mind control and believe all things are possible.
