5 Sister-In-Law Mistakes That Make You Look Like a Witch

witch1 5 Sister In Law Mistakes That Make You Look Like a WitchIn many ways I am glad that I have 3 daughters, so I don’t have to put up with daughter-in-laws.  After having 3 sister-in-laws from, I believe another planet, I opt-out of this form of relationships.

Are you a sister-in-law that is an asset to your husband’s family?   Here are 5 signs that you are not making the grade in the sister-in-law department.

 

1. You feel that now that you are married you own your hubby.

2. You feel threatened by the relationship with his sibling and parents, and react to it in a negative way.

3. When he talks to his siblings you feel left out and he pays a price when you get home.

4. You are used to getting all the attention for some reason and when this doesn’t happen you are going to get even with his family.

5. You use your children as a weapon when things don’t go your way.

When we grow up and our family expands with the in-laws it can either be a wonderful experience or one from hell.

When you are that sister-in-law from another planet, you have to realize by taking away his relationship with his family you are the one that is a loser.

Here are 5 things you are taking away from your hubby by not being a good sister-in-law:

1. Part of this history and who he is.

2. You do put a wall up between him and yourself, because he cannot be relaxed when with his family.

3. You are not letting his children enjoy their own heritage and he may hate you for this someday.

4. You are making him chose between you and his heritage.

5. He is going to get tired of being controlled by you someday.

Building an extended family can be fun when we look at it on the positive side.  It takes time to build the bond between in-laws, so don’t write them off too soon.  Get to know them and appreciate them for the positive things they can bring into your life.   You don’t always have to agree with them, but you can learn by the difference of opinions when they come up.

Remember he loves his family (if they are not a family from another planet), he has a right to spend time with them.  If you are the sister-in-law or even daughter-in-law from hell, clean up your act before you end up paying a big price for your actions.  Everything that goes around comes back around.

After all, your hubby my need a kidney transplant someday and one of his siblings may be a match.  Do you want them to deny him the kidney, because of your actions?

Are you a good Sister-In-law or do you find his family hard to get along with?

Just leave your comment below when it comes to you experience being or having a sister-in-law.

If you enjoyed this post pick up my FREE e- book “Inspiring Your Life,” while it is available. It consists of 20 top blogger on happiness, relationships, motivational and inspirational articles.

Blessing to you,

Debbie

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Lisa says:

    I would happily get along with my sis-in laws but they don’t like ME. What you fail to address is the other side of the coin. The ones who think you have taken something away from them, no matter how hard you try, when it’s their brother who really doesn’t want to interact with his own sisters. I’m the one who makes sure he calls them, sends their gifts, sends their cards, reminds him of special occasions.

    • Hi Lisa,

      I hear exactly where you are coming from Lisa. You are the sister-in-law and they feel you have taken there brother away from them. If they are reasonable people sit down and let them know you are not the bad guy, you are only the wife. He will always be there brother.
      I would let them know that you remind him to send the cards, etc.

      When it comes down to it you are not the bad sister-in-law, hubbies sister or sisters are. I don’t know how long this has been going on, but I would talk to hubby about it and also talk to them. I would probably come right out and ask them, “What have I ever done to you, because I am getting the direct feeling that you don’t like me.”

      Remember Lisa when it comes to sister-in-laws it is not always the new person in the family that creates the situation. That door does swing two ways.

      Blessing to you and I do feel your pain. (I have the t-shirt when it comes to sister-in-laws.)
      Debbie

  2. jenny123 says:

    Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about information and love learning more on this. If possible, as you gain expertise, It is extremely helpful for me.
    would you mind updating your blog with more information?
    jenny123 recently posted..jericho 941My Profile

    • You are welcome Jenny. Not quite sure for what, since you don’t mention the subject matter. I will work on gaining expertise, in the mean time if you know more than me I would love to hear about it.

      I am hoping by answering your comment that you will learn how to comment just a little better. That is your work for the day. Good luck.
      Debbie

  3. Haley says:

    You feel threatened by the relationship with his sibling and parents, and react to it in a negative way.I think it is the most reasonable reason makr you look like a wicth.
    Haley recently posted..What type of mountain bike should i buyMy Profile

    • Hi Haley,

      Not quite sure what you are saying, but yes, I have had trouble with sister-in-laws. I have 3 of them and they just band together and I really don’t give it a second thought. The only thing that really bothered me is when my mother was alive and they would not allow her to see her grandkids if everything didn’t go there way. When she died they didn’t even show for the funeral.

      We should never feel threatened by the relationships with his sibling or parents, but try to be apart of them and build new memories.
      thanks you for sharing your thoughts, Haley.
      Debbie

  4. Thomas Anderson
    Twitter:
    says:

    Your number 1, feeling that now because you are married you own your hubby, has been possibly the biggest factor in husbands cheating and eventual divorce. When women feel that they own their husband, they often stop taking care of themselves, gaining weight, dressing sloppy, not always wearing make-up and often denying him sex causes men to look for affection and sex elsewhere.
    Thomas Anderson recently posted..Why do Women fall for Bad Boys- Losers and Lost CausesMy Profile

    • You are right on this Thomas. No one should ever feel or think they own another person. Sex is something that should never be use as a tool when we are angry. I do not believe there is any excuses for cheating on anyone. If these thoughts are going through your head the couple needs to be communicating with each other. A marriage will break down fast without communication.
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts they are always appreciated.
      Blessing,
      Debbie

  5. Rema says:

    Hi I read the above which is true!! But I see all of that now!! I dont have an awful relationship with the inlaws its civil. I whant it to be on a better level. Ive tried to get close but I felt a brick wall no matter what I did. I have 3 sisterinlaws and it was hard to cope. There was a time when I got closer, but I was so mad about the past. I put a wall up myself. Its been 4 years. I have gotten close to one because she made the attempt. I opened up to her about some things I felt. It made it better. I just had a baby in April and I whant them to be closer!!! What do I do?? Do I say my feelings. I have three kids and whant them to feel closer tooo!!! How do I change this?

    • Hi Rema,

      Honest is always the best way to go. You are doing good, but you have to take down your walls. We put up walls to protect ourselves from any more pain. In the end the wall just stop love from coming to us.
      What ever happened in the past should stay in the past. Yes, it is great if you sit down and try to talk to them. Talk from your heart, not your head. Sometimes we need to talk to the person we feel may have wronged us. We also have to look at ourselves to see what part we could have played in the hurt feeling.

      We all make mistakes and need forgiven. You can be the first to take the steps in the right direction. Remember every one is different and respect the differences and understand them.

      Sounds like there is much hope with your sister-in-laws, it is just a matter of communicating and feeling the love and not the hurt. You can do this one step at a time. Take your ego and walls out of it and just talk to them from the heart.

      Good luck and Blessing to you, and if you want to send me a email please do.
      Debbie

  6. Vanny says:

    I am ok with my husband’s family but not with his brother’s wife. What about that relationship?

    • Hi Vinny,

      Sister-in-laws can be difficult some time. Sometimes it can because they feel like the wife is taking her brother away from her. Some people are just harder to get to know. How long have you known her?

      If you want to discuss this situation just drop me an email from my mentoring page and we can talk about the situation or just email me at debbie@happymakernow.com.
      Thank you for sharing and blessing to you,
      Debbie

  7. Courtney says:

    My husband and I have been married for 11 months now, and the relationship between his older sister and I has always been strained. When we got engaged, she was nasty to me right from the beginning. She expected to have a say in everything, and admitted to me that because she was the older sibling, she was jealous that her little brother was getting to the alter first. I didn’t know what to say, it’s not really something I could fix. She did nothing but lie, gossip and ignore me. She showed up to our wedding with two uninvited, unannounced guests. During my whole wedding planning process she cussed me out, threatened me, slandered me, etc. all because SHE refused to get her dress and flowers less than one month before the wedding. I told her the dresses needed to be ordered and that she waited too long. She insisted on picking her own dress and admitted she didn’t like what I had chosen anyway. Thus, she was removed from the bridal party. February, she started again via Facebook after I posted a picture of my husband blowing out candles. A friend of mine and I got talking about how relationships get strained once you have kids, and the ONLY thing I said, was that my in laws weren’t a fan of me. Well, this was taken totally out of context. She told his aunts I was “slandering” his family. They all ganged up on me and told me my parents don’t know how to raise children, called me names, cussed me out, etc. When my husband put a stop to it, his sister have him the ultimatum that he either reprimand me, or she would never speak to him again. He told her that was her choice and that was that. Now, I’m expecting our first child, and his sister wants nothing to do with me, but wants every detail of my pregnancy. She calls my husband to confirm due dates (they’ve changed 3 times), questions him about names, asks how far along I am, etc. Yet when I see her, we say “hi”, the end. I think she’s thinking she can ignore me, and love on my child when he’s born. Am I the only one who thinks its ridiculous of her to assume that? At this point, I don’t mind if my husband would like to remain in contact with her, but I have so much resentment that I don’t want her a part of my life.

    • Debbie Bills says:

      Hi Courtney,

      Sorry that i am slow in answering your comment. It was thrown into my spam file for some stupid reason. Glad that I found it. Wow you have quite the sister-in-law. Sounds to me like she is use to having everything her way.

      Very happy to hear that your husband does stick up for you. This is great. And congratulations on the baby. When it comes to the baby just remember this is you and your husband’s child and she has to follow your rules.

      She is up set because some siblings do believe that if they are the oldest, they should be the first to marry have children and so on. This is not your problem it is hers, she makes her own choice and don’t let her bring you down or take your happiness away from you, because of her choice.

      It does sound like you have a sister-in-law that is toxic and I would be on my toes. She is a very negative person it sounds like and very self center. What I would do in this situation rather than get angry with her, feel sad for her, because with her actions she pushes people away. Sometimes with this kind of person whether they are family or not we do have to walk away from them, so they don’t distroy our happiness.

      I would be careful of what I say on social networking sites, because she is always going to try to turn things around. If you are at family get togethers, just enjoy them with a smile and if she says anything negative, just say you are sorry she feels this way and walk away. She wants to make trouble don’t give her a chance. Stay positive and feel empathy for her behavior.

      Hope this helps and thank you for sharing. If things to get to bad let hubby handle his sister, sound like he knows how.
      Blessings to you,
      debbie

    • Emma says:

      Courtney,

      I completely understand, I have a similar situation. My sister in law believes that because she is blood she is more important than I am or even my daughter (her niece)! She has tried to break us apart with lies about me “cheating” on my husband, she has even gotten to the point that she threaten to take my daughter away from me unless I left my husband, all because he finds me more important than her. Needless to say she hasn’t seen my daughter since my daughter was a year old and my daughter is almost 3. My husband (on his on choice) does not talk to her or want anything to do with her and I have cut her out of my life. You can make the best decision for yourself and for your son and allow your husband to make the desicion on wether or not he wants to be in her life or not. I have explained to my husband my feelings on the situation and he does as he pleases with it. Just speak with your husband and be sure to not attack your sister in law because that is his sister, just express your feeling towards the situation, get his insite and then take it a step at a time from there.

      Hope this helps.

      • Debbie Bills says:

        You are very correct in the way you have handled your sister-in-law problem, Emma. I am happy to hear that your husband has taken your side when it comes to his sister. This is very important.
        Thank you for sharing your story.
        Blessings,
        Debbie

  8. Kat says:

    I married into a family with two boys. My brother in law is getting married to this girl he was on again off again with and I have tried a few times to give her a chance. For some reason I just can’t stand her and I wish he would see the light and run away from her. But who can stop love. He loves her and is marrying her this year. My only problem is my husband and brother in law are attached at the hip. Which means I have to spend more time with her than I desire. I have tried to be the bigger person, I have tried to give her chances but I HATE her so much. How do I put on the happy face and be good. Suggestions.

    • Debbie Bills says:

      Hi Kat,

      First sorry that i am slow in getting back to you. I am finally getting caought up on things.
      First don’t HATE her, feel sad for her. Hate is only going to make you look bad and make you feel bad. My husband has a friend that he has had for many years. We get together with him and his wife. I have tried and tried when it comes to being with her. One times she is nice the next time not so much.

      I just sit back let her have her mood and don’t say much. Many times I have joined in on the guys conversation.

      Another thing you may do is come right out and say, ” My brother-in-law and husband are pretty much joined at the hip and I am getting the feeling you have a problem with me, can we talk about this.” See if you can get her to open up. Honesty and communciation can go long way. I have known people that I didn’t like, but once I got to know them we were and are great friends. Being a good listener and trying to understand can help.

      I do have to say, when it comes to woman they can be very closed sometimes when they feel insecure with themselves.

      Good luck and being aware of the problem is half the battle, so hang in there and don’t jump ship to soon.
      Debbie

  9. Tired says:

    I have had issues with my sister in law from the beginning. She has gone off on me on several occasions, and once on my daughter. My husband has tried to stick up for me a few times, but it makes everything worse. I’ve told him to just stay out of it and let the two of us handle it, but she keeps dragging him back into the middle and he keeps letting her. I have tried the “killing her with kindness” thing, but she gets angry even if I compliment her. My daughter doesn’t want to be around her at all, and I feel the same, because its kind of scary being around someone who flies off the handle, yelling and hurling insults for no apparent reason.

    This has caused so much damage in my marriage that, among other reasons, we are on the brink of divorce. If my husband sides with me on anything she turns up the heat. The last time she was here she told lies to my husband and his friends and family about me. Of course I didn’t find out until way after the fact, as we separated because of his family… We got back together after a few months with one of my boundaries being I will choose whether or not to be around your family… He agreed but 4 months later we’re in worse shape. His family is very important to him, and I have been able to repair relations with everyone except his sister, who is moving to our small town next month.

    She has told me their family is none of my business because they’re not my family, went on a 5 minute nasty, voice raised diatribe at myself and my daughter about all the things wrong with us when we spent part of our Christmas vacation at her home in another state helping her pack and move (at the time we were on very friendly terms… I’ve learned that doesn’t last very long), there are sooooo many other things, and no matter how hard I’ve tried to keep the communication between she and I and work out our differences, it only makes it worse. This last time I sent her a text explaining that, while I love her, like her, and want to be around her, I can’t take the angry outbursts towards me and my daughter. I should have known better because that became the shot heard round the world! She’s also weird with my husband, one time tickling him and asking if it turned him on, cuddling to him, calling him baby… It’s almost as if she thinks she’s his rightful wife or something. The last time they were together she posted a pic of the two of them, with her snuggled up to him hanging on his arm, and one of my friends called me and said if she hadn’t read the caption at the bottom she would’ve thought my husband had a girlfriend. She’s admitted she’s jealous of our relationship and thought I was taking her brother away from her. I’ve never asked H to cut ties or not spend time with her. On the contrary I’ve tried to get him TO spend time with her. Needless to say, no matter what she does, his allegiance is with her, and i believe he thinks i need to accept her outbursts and let them go. And no matter how nice I am to her, he gets full of anxiety when shes coming around, which he blames me for, even though I’ve never gone off on her and have promised to be polite and cordial.

    H and I have other issues too, but I think most of them stem from this.

    So, now I’m trying to figure out if I can handle staying in this mess or if I should cut my losses and get out of Dodge. Financially it will be very difficult as I have no family, and no real income to speak of. But my hair is falling out again, my stomach is a mess, and I’m really nervous about her moving here.

    Any ideas?

    One more thing… I am not perfect in this. I have done and said things I shouldn’t have a few times and I have argued constantly with my husband about her. Please don’t think I’m totally guilt free, however I’m not the only family member afraid of her. My other sis in law’s avoid her like the plague and try their best to stay on her good side, and her brothers are too nervous to stand up for their wives. Before we were married my one sis in law was her target, and it was awful to watch what she went thru. Now it’s me :(

    • Debbie Bills says:

      Hi Tired,

      There is one thing that you need to remember. NO One can make you a victim but yourself. It does sound to me like she is very spoiled, and a real witch. If you love your hubby do not let her break up your marriage. Get smarter that her and don’t play her game.

      Don’t be her victim!!!!

      When i say get smarter it sounds like you have a good handle on what she is trying to do, so use it to your advantage. Talk to your other sister-in-laws about this, that was you are not going to feel so alone.
      As for hubby let him know that you feel sorry for his sister and ask him if he has any ideas to handle her. I would stay away from her as much as possible, but not to the point that you are left out of the family.

      When she says something rude to you look at her and ask, “Does that make you feel better.” If she says yes, tell her ‘good’, that is what counts.

      She is playing games and you have to stand up for yourself by being smarter that her.

      Please do not let her make you her victim (she did your other sister in law, until you came along.)
      None of us are perfect, but remember it is our reaction to a situation that can make a difference. NO ONE can hurt you unless you allow them too.

      And if you really love your husband do not let her win by walking away from your marriage. (and I would keep my daughter away from her as much as possible.)
      If you need a sounding board or need to talk about this more don’t be afraid to email me.

      Thank you for sharing and keep your chin up!
      Hugs to you,
      Debbie
      Debbie Bills recently posted..12 Reasons Why I Am Not Sharing My Booty With You TonightMy Profile

  10. Debbie Bills says:

    When it comes to jealousy the best way to handle it is to feel bad for the person. You may want to talk to them and try to come to an understanding, but if that does not work. Remember this is there problem they have to solve it. Jealousy destroys the person that is jealous not the other person.

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