In many ways I am glad that I have 3 daughters, so I don’t have to put up with daughter-in-laws. After having 3 sister-in-laws from, I believe another planet, I opt-out of this form of relationships.
Are you a sister-in-law that is an asset to your husband’s family? Here are 5 signs that you are not making the grade in the sister-in-law department.
1. You feel that now that you are married you own your hubby.
2. You feel threatened by the relationship with his sibling and parents, and react to it in a negative way.
3. When he talks to his siblings you feel left out and he pays a price when you get home.
4. You are used to getting all the attention for some reason and when this doesn’t happen you are going to get even with his family.
5. You use your children as a weapon when things don’t go your way.
When we grow up and our family expands with the in-laws it can either be a wonderful experience or one from hell.
When you are that sister-in-law from another planet, you have to realize by taking away his relationship with his family you are the one that is a loser.
Here are 5 things you are taking away from your hubby by not being a good sister-in-law:
1. Part of this history and who he is.
2. You do put a wall up between him and yourself, because he cannot be relaxed when with his family.
3. You are not letting his children enjoy their own heritage and he may hate you for this someday.
4. You are making him chose between you and his heritage.
5. He is going to get tired of being controlled by you someday.
Building an extended family can be fun when we look at it on the positive side. It takes time to build the bond between in-laws, so don’t write them off too soon. Get to know them and appreciate them for the positive things they can bring into your life. You don’t always have to agree with them, but you can learn by the difference of opinions when they come up.
Remember he loves his family (if they are not a family from another planet), he has a right to spend time with them. If you are the sister-in-law or even daughter-in-law from hell, clean up your act before you end up paying a big price for your actions. Everything that goes around comes back around.
After all, your hubby my need a kidney transplant someday and one of his siblings may be a match. Do you want them to deny him the kidney, because of your actions?
Are you a good Sister-In-law or do you find his family hard to get along with?
Just leave your comment below when it comes to you experience being or having a sister-in-law.
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Blessing to you,
Debbie
I would happily get along with my sis-in laws but they don’t like ME. What you fail to address is the other side of the coin. The ones who think you have taken something away from them, no matter how hard you try, when it’s their brother who really doesn’t want to interact with his own sisters. I’m the one who makes sure he calls them, sends their gifts, sends their cards, reminds him of special occasions.
Hi Lisa,
I hear exactly where you are coming from Lisa. You are the sister-in-law and they feel you have taken there brother away from them. If they are reasonable people sit down and let them know you are not the bad guy, you are only the wife. He will always be there brother.
I would let them know that you remind him to send the cards, etc.
When it comes down to it you are not the bad sister-in-law, hubbies sister or sisters are. I don’t know how long this has been going on, but I would talk to hubby about it and also talk to them. I would probably come right out and ask them, “What have I ever done to you, because I am getting the direct feeling that you don’t like me.”
Remember Lisa when it comes to sister-in-laws it is not always the new person in the family that creates the situation. That door does swing two ways.
Blessing to you and I do feel your pain. (I have the t-shirt when it comes to sister-in-laws.)
Debbie
Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about information and love learning more on this. If possible, as you gain expertise, It is extremely helpful for me.
would you mind updating your blog with more information?
jenny123 recently posted..jericho 941
You are welcome Jenny. Not quite sure for what, since you don’t mention the subject matter. I will work on gaining expertise, in the mean time if you know more than me I would love to hear about it.
I am hoping by answering your comment that you will learn how to comment just a little better. That is your work for the day. Good luck.
Debbie
You feel threatened by the relationship with his sibling and parents, and react to it in a negative way.I think it is the most reasonable reason makr you look like a wicth.
Haley recently posted..What type of mountain bike should i buy
Hi Haley,
Not quite sure what you are saying, but yes, I have had trouble with sister-in-laws. I have 3 of them and they just band together and I really don’t give it a second thought. The only thing that really bothered me is when my mother was alive and they would not allow her to see her grandkids if everything didn’t go there way. When she died they didn’t even show for the funeral.
We should never feel threatened by the relationships with his sibling or parents, but try to be apart of them and build new memories.
thanks you for sharing your thoughts, Haley.
Debbie
Twitter: sexyouall
says:
Your number 1, feeling that now because you are married you own your hubby, has been possibly the biggest factor in husbands cheating and eventual divorce. When women feel that they own their husband, they often stop taking care of themselves, gaining weight, dressing sloppy, not always wearing make-up and often denying him sex causes men to look for affection and sex elsewhere.
Thomas Anderson recently posted..Why do Women fall for Bad Boys- Losers and Lost Causes
You are right on this Thomas. No one should ever feel or think they own another person. Sex is something that should never be use as a tool when we are angry. I do not believe there is any excuses for cheating on anyone. If these thoughts are going through your head the couple needs to be communicating with each other. A marriage will break down fast without communication.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts they are always appreciated.
Blessing,
Debbie
Hi I read the above which is true!! But I see all of that now!! I dont have an awful relationship with the inlaws its civil. I whant it to be on a better level. Ive tried to get close but I felt a brick wall no matter what I did. I have 3 sisterinlaws and it was hard to cope. There was a time when I got closer, but I was so mad about the past. I put a wall up myself. Its been 4 years. I have gotten close to one because she made the attempt. I opened up to her about some things I felt. It made it better. I just had a baby in April and I whant them to be closer!!! What do I do?? Do I say my feelings. I have three kids and whant them to feel closer tooo!!! How do I change this?
Hi Rema,
Honest is always the best way to go. You are doing good, but you have to take down your walls. We put up walls to protect ourselves from any more pain. In the end the wall just stop love from coming to us.
What ever happened in the past should stay in the past. Yes, it is great if you sit down and try to talk to them. Talk from your heart, not your head. Sometimes we need to talk to the person we feel may have wronged us. We also have to look at ourselves to see what part we could have played in the hurt feeling.
We all make mistakes and need forgiven. You can be the first to take the steps in the right direction. Remember every one is different and respect the differences and understand them.
Sounds like there is much hope with your sister-in-laws, it is just a matter of communicating and feeling the love and not the hurt. You can do this one step at a time. Take your ego and walls out of it and just talk to them from the heart.
Good luck and Blessing to you, and if you want to send me a email please do.
Debbie
I am ok with my husband’s family but not with his brother’s wife. What about that relationship?
Hi Vinny,
Sister-in-laws can be difficult some time. Sometimes it can because they feel like the wife is taking her brother away from her. Some people are just harder to get to know. How long have you known her?
If you want to discuss this situation just drop me an email from my mentoring page and we can talk about the situation or just email me at debbie@happymakernow.com.
Thank you for sharing and blessing to you,
Debbie