Since the dawn of time, we humans have been using one of our most powerful tools in the quest for happiness – conversation. Whatever happens in our life, we instinctively turn to other people to share our experiences, and ‘chew the fat’ – talk things through and reach conclusions based on our conversations. When things go right or wrong, we immediately pick up the telephone or write to our friends and family to let them know.
‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ is one of the truest sayings out there. By talking through a problem, we gain a number of benefits, not least of which is the feeling that we are not alone, and someone out there understands and wants to support us which bring on happiness.
Society has a habit of making us feel like we should be able to deal with everything ourselves, that it’s a sign of weakness to share our problems, but the opposite is true. The people that suffer in silences and let their thoughts control them, how they live their life and treat others is usually unhappy. Someone who takes positive steps to understand those feelings and the reasons behind their actions, to learn from each experience and live a meaningful life can be both true to themselves and more considerate of others.
How can talking things through help?
Be heard: Feeling that someone has heard you and cares can sometimes be enough. It’s important to know that you can be listened to without being judged, and someone cares enough to offer you a supportive ear.
Be free: Just saying your thoughts or worries out loud can help liberate you from them. You can unload, unburden yourself or reveal your secrets without fear of criticism, judgement or fear.
Get perspective: By talking over the issues in your life you can see if there’s any value to your thought process. Have you ever found yourself saying “it sounds silly when you say it”? Think of it like a radio – by you talking the other person can tune into your frequency. They can understand your situation and reflect back what you’re saying and offer input. This gives you perspective.
Be understood: Sharing your problems helps you get confidence that your point of view is understood, and someone out there can share it with you.
Feel in control: If you’re experiencing high emotions, you may feel overwhelmed and out of your depth. It’s really important at this time to discuss those emotions with someone to make sense of what you’re feeling, to make you feel safe and in control again and to stop you from acting on an impulse you may later regret.
Reflect: Talking things through helps you reflect on your situation, discover what you need to discover for yourself and identify your options.
Take charge: Once you have aired all your issues, you can work out a plan for yourself. You have to get there yourself, inspire yourself and make decisions for yourself, so that you are ready for any actions you take – as it’s you that has to manage that change and action. Someone else telling you what to do often won’t work if you haven’t yet understood why you need to do it, so you need to go through the process of talking to reach this point.
No matter what our problems are, they can be greatly reduced by the simple act of talking things through. If you’re stressed, puzzled or simply want a boost, try picking up the phone and giving someone a call. You never know – it may be just what they need, too!
I have a good friend that I always do this with. Do you have a friend that you can always talk things over with when a problem arises?
Debbie
I’m a big talker. I don’t like to burden my friends with my problems too often, but I did have a good long talk to a friend the other day about some problems I was having, and I did feel so much better.
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