Why withholding the truth can sometimes make us happier people
Secret to Happiness with a Little Lie
Picture the scene: You’re in the changing rooms of a clothes store with one of your closest friends. She has put on a bit of weight recently, and the outfit she’s picked looks pretty awful. She turns to you and asks you what you think. What do you do?
You have a few choices here. You can tell the truth, and say ‘Look. It’s terrible, unflattering, and you’ve put so much weight on you can’t fit in to it anyway.’
That would not do very much for your friendship.
Another option is to say ‘It looks fantastic. Just like Jennifer Aniston in her babe phase’.
Your friend buys the outfit, you feel guilty, and you curse yourself for lying.
The third option is to go for a different sort of lie. How about something along the lines of, ‘that color doesn’t suit you.’ Or, ‘Look at that material. It won’t last very long. I think it’s overpriced.’
Which option would you choose?
Telling the truth in this situation would serve no purpose other than to upset your friend. You may think the outfit looks terrible, but you don’t necessarily have to tell her! Sometimes, little white lies can be positive forces in our relationships.
Imagine if the same friend had just had her haircut. With a situation like that, telling her it didn’t suit her would simply make her unhappy. You can’t put cut hair back, so it’s much kinder to lie and say it looks great. You can let her know later, when her hair has grown, that you like it better that way, but at the time there is no point in being completely honest.
When should we tell the truth?
In situations where telling a lie serves a good purpose, it’s worth crossing your fingers behind your back and going for it. These are times such as those above, where lying can save
Does crossing your finger really work?
someone’s feelings or keep a great relationship strong.
Lies do not always serve a good purpose, though. In a relationship, it’s likely that honesty forms an integral part of the trust you have with the other person. Lying about your feelings or actions can simply cause problems later when you are found out. Similarly, in critical situations such as when a partner has had an affair, it’s probably better to come clean in the long run, no matter how hard it can be.
Little white lies grease the wheels for great relationships
If your partner is getting a bit chubby, or your child produces a painting which is totally unrecognizable as being anything, you shouldn’t tell the truth about how you feel. Imagine what the truth would do to a young child, who is working on their self-esteem for the future? Happiness comes from choosing your lies carefully and only deceiving people when it can bring them comfort. In essence, lies can be a superb part of a good relationship, as long as you use your discretion and only tell them when they can help someone and make them happier!
What little lies have you told to spare someone’s feeling? Love hearing them and your opinion on lying. Leave it in the comment area below.
Debbie
I like to think that most of the time, you can have the best of both worlds. With the outfit, I’d probably say, ‘I really think the other outfit you tried on is so much more flattering for you, look how it highlights your great boobs’ for example.
When I get a present, if I don’t like it, I will lie lol. But that was drummed into me from childhood, and a hard one to break
.-= Hear Mum Roar´s last blog ..Home made air freshener =-.
Hi and good morning (anyway it is morning here, but for you it is afternoon or maybe evening). That is a good way to put it when it comes to the outfit.
Yes, our parents did drill a lot of stuff into our heads and I think most of it was pretty good. If one needs to tell the truth at least sandwich it in between to positive statements. Example when it comes to hair cuts. The way you had it cut last time looked wonderful. This time it is maybe OK, but I really liked the other style better.
Thanks again and have a very happy day.
Debbie
The truth and nothing but the truth regardless!!!! if you dont like being kept ignorant then why would you want to keep others that way too. Good opinion bad opinion i don’t care just tell me what you REALLY think or tell me nothing at all!!! and who are we to decide what information can help someone and make them happier…
You are right to a point. What about the gift from good old Aunt Betty for example. She tries her hardest to find the best gift, but never gets there. What would you say to her? I would say,” Aunt Betty that is so thoughtful of you and really appreciated.” Next time I would say to her, Aunt Betty I know you have trouble figuring out what to get me this time of year, so here are a few ideas for you. Thought maybe they would help.”
Sometime it is a matter of knowing a person quite well before, so you know how they will take the truth. It sounds like you are a very strong person and this is wonderful, but some people don’t have as good of self-esteem which the whole truth can hurt them very much.
Thanks for the your input Peter.
Debbie
Hi Debbie,
Once again another great topic
I believe there are times and places. But when it is used and abused to get out of something it is wrong. I think there is a half way house on the subject. Sometimes ok sometimes it is bad.
Thanks for sharing
Richard
Hi Richard,
I do agree with you when you say there are times and places and it should never be abused.
Thank you for sharing and have a wonderful happy day.
Debbie
I respect the truth, but I think it is important to act in a tactful and sensitive manner, considering the other person’s feelings. Your example of a child’s artwork doesn’t really apply, because parents usually love their kids’ art, regardless of what it looks like!
This is a great, thought provoking post!
You are so right, parents do love there kids art work. My grand kids give there’s to me and some of it I have framed and hung on my walls. It makes for great pictures to hang if framed right.
I also respect the true, but if it means really hurting someone I will work around it.
Thank you for your input and may you always be happy.
Debbie
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Debbie