Esteem is a very simple word. It is worth and value that we apply to people, places, and situations. It is the amount of respect we assess. We have esteem for places like church and synagogue. We have esteem for an exemplary performance whether it is in sports, or simply doing the right thing.
The most important place we need to apply esteem is within ourselves. We must maintain our self-esteem, so we place value on ourselves as a worthy individual in the world. Self-esteem affects every single part of our lives. If that esteem is low, we can feel like our life isn’t worthy. Elevating esteem for ourselves is the key to happiness in life.
Your own self-esteem is something more fundamental than the normal “ups and downs” associated with situational changes. For people with good basic self-esteem, normal “ups and downs” may lead to temporary fluctuations in the way they feel about themselves, but only to a limited extent. For people with poor self-esteem, these “ups and down” may make all the difference in the world.
People with poor self-esteem rely on how they are doing in the present to determine how they feel about themselves. They need positive external experiences to counteract the negative feelings and thoughts that constantly plague them. The good feeling (from a good grade, etc.) can be only temporary.
Prisons are full of people with low self-esteem. Why does this happen? When you have low self-esteem you feel like you aren’t good enough. Everybody is better then you. Then you go out and try to prove that you are as good as the next guy. You become a bully trying to prove yourself worth.
Then you have the person with low self-esteem that becomes the target. They are on the shy side and don’t think there opinion matters, so they just let everyone control or use them. Everybody knows more than I do. They stay in the same job never really getting ahead in this world, because they feel they aren’t worth anything.
People with low self-esteem you might say walk around in a fog. Then end up in bad relationships, don’t have a lot of friends. They just go day by day doing the same things over and over again, without any thought. They just accept life the way it is.
Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately (know ourselves) and still be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally. This means being able to realistically acknowledge our strengths and limitations (which is part of being human) and accepting ourselves as worthy and worthwhile without conditions or reservations.
People with high self-esteem are achievers. They are willing to take a chance. They become leaders and don’t worry about what someone might think about their ideas. There not here to prove anything to anyone. They find their happiness within and life is good. Their self confidence rises as David Rogers explains in his “Definition of Self confidence.”
Sometimes we need to raise our self-esteem to levels that will enhance our life and the way we view life. It can make a tremendous difference in our quality of life. Learning techniques to raise self-esteem can be taught and put into practice in just a few days. It does take practice to keep ones self-worth at the forefront.
I have been on bother ends of self-esteem. As a child I had low self-esteem in many ways. Then one day I had a wake-up call and realize that a lot of my decisions were based on low- self-esteem. After a lot of research, reading and studies I know that who I am is important. I may not be like everyone else, but that is OK. I am a good person and my opinion does matter (maybe not to some people), but that is OK.
I have found my happiness within by elevating my self-esteem level. With that said I would like to announce my new e-book, “Take Command of Your Self-Esteem.” At this time I am giving this book away, because self-esteem is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.
My goal is to show you how to improve your self-esteem in just one weekend! Three short days where you will apply what this book will show and that will stay with you as your life becomes the bright place it should be.
Just look on the right side of this page and enter your name and e-mail address and you can download this FREE e-book. There is a chapter on children’s self-esteem, so if you have small children my hopes are that you will pick this up, because this is when self-esteem really begins.
Give your children the life they deserve, help them to grow to be happy adults. Give them the gift of love. Going into those school years it can be very important with the peer pressure they encounter these days. If you want to protect them and make them strong obviously they need a strong foundation to build on.
Looking forward to your comments
Bless you all and remember to always choose happiness,
Debbie
Twitter: http://leapofaction.com
says:
Wow, you produced a very complete coverage of “self-esteem”! I agree, “all you need is love” works well – work wonders – in the area of self-esteem. And like love, self-esteem becomes “real” once you make it a verb, and the best “real” way boost self-esteem may well be to keep one’s word – not just to others but primarily to oneself. Thanks for your many star-making tips
B@
.-= Beat Schindler´s last blog ..Personal Growth The Easy Way: Focus On Your Strengths =-.
THis is a really interesting twist on something we all think about from time to time. It all makes perfect sense and the presentation works as well. Nice site
.-= Mitch´s last blog ..Virginia Tech Vs. UConn 3/22/10: Mitch’s Free Pick Against The Spread College Basketball NIT =-.
Thanks Mitch, When we have high self-esteem I do believe we can accomplish what ever we set out to accomplish. With out it games over before it gets started.
Debbie
Hi Debbie!
.
Great post as always – your content is so easy to read
I consider myself an odd mix of total self-esteem and complete lack thereof. I never hold back from trying new things or giving my opinion, but then I spend hours concerning myself with what others think of my work/thoughts. So, I put myself out there, but then torture myself with insecurity. What’s that all about?
.-= Keller Hawthorne´s last blog ..Simply Fresh Themes Has Officially Opened! =-.
Hi Keller,
One thing that you always need to remember is that everyone is not going to agree or like what you write and this is good, because then you can really get a conversation going. People love to disagree.
Thanks so much I shall try to keep the post good and easy to read. See now your putting the pressure on, just kidding.
Thanks again
Debbie
Hi Debbie,
Self-esteem is crucial with whatever you’re going to face throughout life’s challenges. While it boosts up anyone’s personality, it leads to getting them always energized to positively share their talents, interests and inspirations that will also affect others big time. I’ve seen so many people who’ve been successful in the business and Self-Esteem I can say has been their best asset to encourage.
Thanks for this wonderful share!
Tyrone
Hi Tyrone,
That is why I feel it is so important to give your children good self-esteem. Without it it is like being shall I say, “Dead in the water.”
Tyrone you have a wonderful happy day and thanks for your input.
Debbie
Twitter: greatconfidence
says:
Debbie
Firstly thanks for the link! And as you’d guess I’m equally a fan of helping people improve their self esteem. My only quibble is the argument that high self esteem is necessarily the same as good or healthy self esteem. Prison is also full of people with high self esteem; psychopathic personalities have high self esteem – people with high self esteem are so full of self regard that they don’t give a *&^% about anyone else.
With healthy self esteem we also respect the needs of others – but doesn’t mean we put them before our own needs.
Thanks again for the link and a stimulating post.
David
.-= David Rogers´s last blog ..Happiness & Health, the Ultimate Guide =-.
David you are right, There are people in prisons that do have high self-esteem or is it that to be a psychopathic you feel nothing? I do agree that some people do carry there esteem to a higher notch or is the the ego interfering with the self-esteem?
Guess whatI should say is good self-esteem is very important, but at the same time one must stay humble.
No problem on the link to your site I do respect what you are teaching. Keep up the good work
Debbie
“Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately (know ourselves)”, i like this phrase, it accurately describes how self esteem can be built , nice post Debbie
You are right, “Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately (know ourselves)” the thing to remember is never under estimate how much you do have to offer. That is where some can fall down. They under estimate there talents and abilities.
Thank you,
Debbie
Twitter: andrewrondeau
says:
Debbie,
I believe those with high self-esteem are also very good at rebounding after a set-back. They dust themselves down and start again.
First glance at your free e-book…looks great and I love the images.
Andrew
.-= Andrew @ Blogging Guide´s last blog ..5 Ways to Make a Better and More Well Visited Blog (or just 5 Ways to Increase Traffic) =-.
Hi Andrew,
As they say when you fall down always get up and try again. Thanks for bring out that point Andrew. Yes, people with good self-esteem can rebound easily. They don’t see things as a failure, only as “Well that didn’t work, guess I better try something else.”
Glad you are liking the new e-book. I feel images can help getting points across.
thanks again for your comment
Debbie
My thought was the same as David’s. I spent a year as the “doc” for the Baltimore county jail and in various ERs have taken care of incarcerated men who have had various problems. Most of the people I met had a pathologic form of self esteem. They felt that their wants, needs and desires were much more important than others and that the means justified the end.
I think you should teach your child they are worthy to try anything and that what they do isn’t what they are. It does not make they somebody to do a certain job. That is good and allows them to be the best they can be in relationships with others. I think esteem must come witha good dose of humility.
.-= Bruce “the Mid-Life Mentor”´s last blog ..PREVENTION-What do you think it is? =-.
I couldn’t agree with you more. I always tried to teach my children that you could go after anything that you want as long as they didn’t hurt or step on anyone else to reach you goal.
Guess I really blew it on the prison. Maybe many of them become criminals, because of lack of love. Have to do some research on that one.
Thanks,
Debbie
Hi Debbie, great point about the importance of fostering self esteem in children, many times that’s where it all starts to go down hill – or up!
You are so right, the state of our own self esteem can be the foundation of success or living in ‘the fog’ – life’s too short for fog! I also liked what Beat said about keeping your word to yourself – it really can be a great way to keep healthy self esteem that is totally in our own control. In the end it may be hard if we have had others or circumstances give our self esteem a kicking, but it really is in our own control.
Can’t wait to read your ebook, I’m sure that it is full of great stuff as usual.
.-= Jan – queenofkaos´s last blog ..Is SBS – Scatter Brain Sydrome – Holding You Down? =-.
Hi Jan,
It is so good for a parent to have good self-esteem so they can pass it on to there children. I believe that if they would teach self-esteem in schools maybe there wouldn’t be some of the problems there are today. At the same time it should start at home.
thanks Jan and hope you enjoy the e-book.
Debbie
Twitter: miraclady
says:
My mother is responsible for my siblings and for me having hih sell esteem.
She never critized us.
She told us we could achieve anything we wanted if we wanted it badly enough. And she was only 18 when I was born and had four children bythe time she was 22.
She wasn’t perfect – she had a temper – but never bad mouthed us. Just spouted off here and there when something bothered her.
She was a crazy Irish lady who was known to take a drink and was the last one at any party.
And she was the best audience we ever had. She thought we were all so brilliant and funny.
The key lies at home. Starting from there..
.-= Corinne Edwards´s last blog ..A LOVE STORY – and pussycats =-.
Hi Corrine,
Your mother sounds like she was great. Every kid should be so lucky. My mother was good and loved her dearly, but she did not have high self-esteem. Her mother died when she was 4 years old and her father raise her and her twin sister. and baby brother. the other 5 kids where pretty much grown already. her father was very hard on the three little ones.
Parties are fun and why would anyone want to be the first to leave?
Yes, the key does lie at home and you my nice lady or an example of this.
have a wonderful happy day Corrine,
Debbie
Twitter: miraclady
says:
Here’s a poem I wrote about her in one of my books -
I’m lucky to have had a mother
who was convinced I was exceptional,
brilliant,
clever,
funny
and beautiful.
and who would have said,
if she learned I had committed a crime,
“she must have had a good reason.”
When you grow up with that,
you nearly never notice
you’re not so smart or clever,
and that your face is falling down.
You always find a firm place to stand.
.-= Corinne Edwards´s last blog ..A LOVE STORY – and pussycats =-.
That is beautiful poem Corrine. Great job and what a wonderful tribute to your mother. She did a wonderful job and yes it does pay off in the long run when a parent does there job right.
Thanks for sharing with us.
Debbie
Debbie,
I love this post! One of the things my Mum always told me was that if you can’t love yourself, it will be really hard for other people to love you. I think this is true, and having great self-esteem is the key to that.
It looks like Mums have a lot to answer for, judging by other comments here, too!
Jen
Hi Jen,
Smart Mum, she is so right you have to love yourself first.
Yes, I do believe there is a lot of responsibility when it comes to being a parent. Those little ones are like sponges and for a parent they believe everything you feed that little mind. When my girls were little there was times I wished I could put them back and start all over, because I felt I wasn’t doing things wrong. But they turned out OK! I’m very proud of who they have become.
Thanks Jen and have a very happy day.
Debbie
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
says:
Being willing to take a chance is a double-edged sword. Sometimes, it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Having healthy self-esteem allows us to get back up and try again from a new direction. Building strong self-esteem happens as a result of experiencing both sides of the sword. Thanks for explaining what’s needed so clearly
.-= Cheryl from thatgirlisfunny´s last blog ..Stay Young – Try Car Dancing – a micro movement from the Levity Project =-.
You are welcome Cheryl. With good self-esteem it is great to be able to look at any given situation and if one thing doesn’t work go another direction. I like your thoughts on a double edge sword. that is so true.
Thanks again and we know you are one happy girls and this is wonderful, you add a lot to the world.
Debbie
Great post Debbie and it’s such an important topic. So many people suffer from low self esteem and I think you’ve said it brilliantly here: “be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally”
Krizia
.-= Eat Smart Age Smart´s last blog ..Healthy breakfast recipe: No-Brainer Cereal =-.
Hi Krizia,
Thank you and I do believe many people do suffer from low self-esteem. Which is very sad. If I can help one person with my post on this that would be great or one small child from having to suffer with low esteem.
thanks and stay happy,
Debbie
Hi Debbie,
Another incredibly thoughtful post. Self esteem is so impotant and I ‘vre reread your article — agree with everything here. and that it all starts from our parents – a can do attitude for our children is a self esteem boost that in invaluable.
Subscribing now.
.-= Lance Nelson´s last blog ..How A Bolyarka Beer Saved Me From Blast Injury. A Trabant Fest In Velhiko Tarnovo =-.
Thank you Lance. Maybe they should start teaching self-esteem classes in school. This way if the parent has low self-esteem the child can teach it to the parents. Not so good when kids get to be in there teens they would really think they were smarter then the parent and we wouldn’t want the to be right. Just joking.
You are right it does start with the parents. thanks again Lance.
You have a wonderful happy evening
Debbie
Thank you Lance. Maybe they should start teaching self-esteem classes in school. This way if the parent has low self-esteem the child can teach it to the parents. Not so good when kids get to be in there teens they would really think they were smarter then the parent and we wouldn’t want the to be right. Just joking.
You are right it does start with the parents. thanks again Lance.
You have a wonderful happy evening
Debbie
Hi Debbie:
Great article! As a parent of a 14 year old, I can’t tell you how important it is for teenagers to have self esteem. It’s that confidence in themselves that helps them make good decisions and right choices, even when they are not the most popular decisions and choices. It’s easy to see the difference in kids who have good self esteem vs. those who lack it. Those who lack it also lack happiness, which is quite sad.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..CAS 58 Challenge Card! =-.
Lisa your 14 year old is very lucky to have a parent like you, that recognizes the importance of good self-esteem. Those middle and high school years can be terrible without good esteem. I do agree with you when it comes to the children with low self-esteem they are going to have trouble finding there happiness.
You have a wonderful day and keep up the good parenting work, the world needs people like you.
Debbie
Debbie,
The best time for me to read about children’s self-esteem, with a little girl and the second on the way. Thank you for the information.
Where I grew up, self-esteem wasn’t valued much, but somehow they couldn’t take it away from me. Now I just hope to pass this on to the kids.
.-= Tom´s last blog ..A Day of A Deaf Blind Person =-.
Hi Tom,
When I grew up self-esteem wasn’t even thought of. I’m sure glad that no one could take yours away from you. Smart Guy! Congratulations on that second baby. They are very lucky to have a daddy like you. As I told Lisa good parenting can be hard to come by for some children. Let me know when the little one arrives.
Thanks again for your input Tom and have a very happy day. (We have lots of snow and still snowing)
Debbie
My daughter is only 6 and I’m trying to give her lots of small successes.. If she fails at something, we start again, but smaller – that is a key of great self esteem – knowing that you can do something, that you are good at it, and that you don’t have to be good at everything! I hope whatever I instill is enough – I’ve worked with many clients who are very afraid to try – but they just need to start smaller – and work up to the big stuff. Want to run a marathon? Start running 100 feet first, then you’ll feel proud and work up to the next step.
Good advise Michelle. Small steps turn into big steps one at a time. One of my favor sayings that comes from Mary Kay Ash that her mother always told her is, “Yes, You can.” I feel that one is so important to everyone, because I don’t care how old you are it is never to late to learn new habits.
You have a great and happy day.
Debbie
Twitter: blogtechguy
says:
Wonderful Debbie, thank you. I’ve never really thought about self-esteem at all and what it really means and how it affects me and the people around me. I’ll be signing up for a copy of your ebook right now and look forward to reading it. Thanks yet again for a post that makes me stop in my day and think.
.-= Joel´s last blog ..How To “Grow” Your Blog =-.
Hi Joel,
Cool I love to make people think! lol Hope you enjoy the e-book. Self-esteem does affect the people that you are around. Good point that you brought out. Have you ever noticed when you are around someone with low esteem they have trouble making a decision. You want mustard or catchup? I don’t know what do you think? Yes, it can get that bad.
Thanks again and you have a very beautiful day.
Debbie
I adore you.
Every time I visit your blog now, I see your smile in the upper right hand corner and then I smile.
You are such a love.
Thank you for reminding all of us how to take care of ourselves and create more happiness in our lives.
((( hug )))
.-= Susan Liddy´s last blog ..What is Your Relationship with Money? =-.
Susan thank you so much, you just completed my day. You realize that you aren’t so bad yourself. When it comes to smiles I’m not going to challenge yours because yours is pretty darn good.
Hugs to you also and keep up the good with your Life Coaching. The world needs people like you.
Thanks again,
Debbie
I’m going to agree with Bruce and David that there can be too much self-esteem in some cases. There have been a couple of articles here and there reporting on the results of the Self Esteem Movement that got rolling about 15 years ago. We now have kids graduating from college believing that they deserve the corner office; they’re unwilling to take the starter jobs and work their way up and are a bit obnoxious as well. I’m not saying this is true of all young people, but it certainly brings home to me the importance of the word “accurately” in your comment that Healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to assess ourselves accurately. Thanks for another great post!
.-= Amy LeForge´s last blog ..FFYF: Forgetfulness Edition =-.
Hi Amy,
I see where you are coming from Amy, but I am not sure that this is self-esteem some of these young people have.
I believe these children have been handed everything and never really had to work for what they have, so they just think the world is suppose to keep handing things out to them.
People with good self-esteem are givers and do know how to take when they need help. What I see with the young people you are referring to they are just takers do to how they were raised. They are not assess themselves accurately, because of this.
Thanks for your input any, it is appreciated and I love to stop and think about what other have to say.
Debbie
Thanks for this post, it is great
Thanks Randolph, I am happy that you enjoyed it. Let me know what else you may want me to talk about.
Have a very happy day,
Debbie