Yaro says in his blog post; “What I Can Teach You About Getting What You Want;”

“Happiness is ultimately not in anyone else’s hands or controlled by any external element at all. It’s purely a choice you can make. As often as I can I choose to be happy. It’s not always as easy as that but by undertaking to change the way you think and create an ongoing positive dialogue with yourself you are both working towards the same goals – that’s you and your little voice – both aiming for happiness.”

He is right!  Happiness is a choice and many people like thier comfort zone and don’t want to change.  They may look at their environment or situation and say, “There’s nothing I can do about it.”  I was married to a man that thought this way.

When I was growing up my father was what you would call a weekend alcoholic.  What I mean is that every weekend it was time to get totally wasted, from Friday night until Sunday night.

As a little girl I always wondered what I could do to change this situation.  What I didn’t realize as I grew up that this does affect your choices when it comes to the partner that you choose.  When I got involved with my ex husband the one thing that attracted me to him is that he NEEDED HELP.  I thought I could fix him.  He had a mother that wasn’t very nice and really didn’t know how it felt to be loved.  I figure I was the one that could save him; all I had to do was love him enough.

You have to change, you can’t change someone else!

Not so much, because he was also verbally abusive and didn’t want to be saved.  After realizing why I married him, I had to change me, so that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

This didn’t make me unhappy, because I knew it was time for me to grow. I was making bad choices, because of my childhood.  I had to understand why I was making these bad choices.

I am now in a very happy marriage, because I took the time to learn about myself and the choices I was making and where they were coming from.

Find out why you are making the choices you make.

In order to make changes in our lives sometimes we have to find out what is hiding in our past that has caused us to make those wrong choices.

Once you figure this out then you can work on making the changes.  For me it was realizing I didn’t have to save anyone.  A person is who they want to be.  And you are only kidding yourself if you think you can change someone, or give them something that they don’t think they need or want.  I did learn this the hard way.

“Don’t Let Your Ignorance Stop You”, Yaro says,” some things are out of your control and you’re not always going to get what you expect.  You must master the art of continuous improvement, regardless of conditions.  You’re human, so you’re going to feel emotions that have the potential to derail you progress, but only if you let them.  It’s necessary to keep taking steps towards change, even when you don’t feel like it”.

Yaro is right again.

Making those changes

When it came to choosing another partner I made myself up a list of 10 important things I knew I wanted and needed in a relationship.  When meeting someone new, yes I have to admit it I was putting them through the test.  If they did something and I felt my reaction and emotions were leaning toward  helping or fixing them, I would back off.

If they had a problem I would listen, but I was not going to try to make it better for them or fix it. That was in there control not mine. As Yaro says, I didn’t let them derail me. I changed by realizing their problems were out of my control.

Know where your fears are coming from.

My father when he would get wasted; if you made him anger by saying the wrong thing, he would get in the car and leave.  With this action I was scared to stick up for myself with a man, because I had a fear that he would just leave.  This change took a lot of work.

I am lucky enough now, that my hubby knows this about me and allows me to get anger and letting me know that he won’t leave.  Actually sometimes he thinks maybe he has created a monster.   I do work on the balance with this.

If you are finding that you are not happy; look around and see what changes you can make.  Understand were your choices are coming from.  Whether it is a job you’re in, just because someone told you that is the job you should have and stick with or a relationship you’re in because of past experiences.

CHANGE IS GOOD, without it we would not grow with time and gain wisdom.  If you want happiness within see what changes you may need to make.

Change brings happiness, so go out there and choose to be happy!

What changes can you make to be happy?

Debbie