Healthy self-esteem originates in the environment found in the:  family, school, peer group, work place, and community.  There are certain characteristics of your environment that need to be personally present in order for self-esteem to be fostered and grow.  This will certainly help with your happiness within.

The main component of a healthy environment is that it needs to be nurturing.  It should definitely provide unconditional warmth, love, and caring. It needs to provide the realization that other people are recognized as deserving to be nurtured, reinforced, rewarded, and bonded to.

The environment transmits messages of warmth, loving, and caring by physically touching, meeting the survival needs of food, clothing and shelter, and providing a sense of stability and order in life.

A healthy environment should provide acceptance, which bring happiness within. It will recognize that other people see each other as worthy individuals who have a unique set of personality characteristics, skills, abilities, and competencies making them special.

Acceptance helps individuals recognize that differences among and between people are OK, and this encourages the development of a sense of personal mastery and autonomy.  Acceptance enables people to develop relationships with others, yet maintain healthy boundaries of individuality within themselves.

There should be good communication, everyone should be heard and responded to in a healthy way so that healthy problem solving is possible. Appropriate giving and receiving of feedback is encouraged and rewarded.  Communicating at a “feelings” level is a mode of operation for these people, allowing them to be in touch with their emotions in a productive manner.

For the environment to support the development of healthy self-esteem it must contain recognition and acceptance of people for who they are.  That recognition and acceptance should not be based on the condition that they must first conform to a prescribed standard of behavior or conduct.  This is unhealthy.  Unconditional recognition and acceptance given in the form of support allows individuals to reach their ultimate potential and enjoy being happy.

There should be clearly defined and enforced limits known to individuals with no hidden tricks or manipulation.  Limits set the structure for the lives of individuals, allowing clear benchmarks of appropriate and inappropriate behavior.  Limits enable individuals to recognize their responsibilities and to chart their course of behavior in a rational way.

Respect and latitude for individual action within the defined limits of the environment should be present as well.  This encourages individuals to use their creativity, ingenuity, and imagination to be productive within the established structure.  Restrictions that suppress individuality can lead to a narrow focus, with people becoming stunted and handicapped in the use of their personal skills, abilities, and resources.

There should also be established freedom within the structure.  This enables individuals to develop a sense of personal autonomy.  If they are too tied down and inhibited they could become resentful and eventually rebellious against the prescribed structures in their environment.

Being given the freedom of self-expression within the established rules and norms allows individuals to explore their potential to its fullest; thus there is a greater possibility of becoming successful, healthy achievers and obviously living a life of happiness within.

Finally, there should be bonding, which is the physical/emotional phenomenon between individuals and the others in their environment.  This is necessary for the development of healthy self-esteem.

Bonding is forming a mutual emotional attachment between an individual and a “significant other” (parent, child, friend, lover, etc.).  This involves the significant other giving unconditional love and support as well as developing an emotional link between each other.

Bonding provides a sense of emotional security and stability.  It allows you to be free to explore all that is wonderful about you and the people around you without fear of reproach or ridicule.  This will develop a healthy self-image and sense of identity.  Bonding also will give all involved a sense of belonging and mattering in the “big picture”

Bonding can be achieved in many ways.  You allow the other person to enter a strange environment while providing support and “cheer leading” the entire way.  It encourages the other person to be self-confident and offers up help with individual problems while being encouraging that any problem can be overcome.

If you want to bond effectively with those around you, there are some things you can do.

• Talk face to face with people

• Use physical touch when interacting

• Work at meeting the “match” of the person by encouraging him to do things for which he is ready and capable.

• Speak in a loving, caring manner

• Show respect

• Listen carefully; offer empathy and understanding

• Be honest when describing or dealing with problems

• Be supportive as they faces the harsh realities of life and becomes fearful, scared, or concerned about the future

• Let the person grow to be his own person by encouraging the development of independent and autonomous thinking

• Assist in becoming a good problem solver by encouraging open exploration and discussion of options and alternatives when facing problems at home, school, work, or in the community.

If you feel you aren’t bonding with the people around you, show them this list.  Ask them to help you on your journey towards healthy self-esteem.  Our guess is they’ll be happy to help!  When given a choice we always want to choose happiness.

In general, you need to make the environment conducive to the positive aspects of you and your inner voice.  Surround yourself with people who are loving, caring, and supportive.  Stay away from those people who are fountains of negativity.  They’ll only bring you down.  They love to take away your happiness within.

Look at your surroundings.  At work, do you have a work space that fosters positive emotions?  Place pictures of your loved ones around you.  Add a pretty flowering plant.  Post motivational sayings where you can always see them.

You should have happiness within at your own home and happy to arrive there at the end of the day.  Personalize your house, hang pictures you love, drawings from kids, motivational quotes, posters, arts, crafts. Use anything that makes you feel good. So what if you don’t have perfect décor. Make yourself happy and serene. Surround yourself with what you think of as beauty.

If you are in a negative environment, the logical answer is to change it.  But what if you can’t?  Not everyone can just up and quit a job that is an unhealthy environment.  The thing is that it isn’t always easy to change that which is negative.

There are, however, things you can do to minimize the negativity.  There are certain people and situations that will threaten your self-esteem.  You need to stay away from these in order to maintain the happiness and positive thinking you are trying hard to cultivate.

• At work:  Beware of “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will be grateful for your contributions even if you miss lunch and dinner, and stay up late. Most of the times you work too much without getting help from people concerned. Stay out of this; it will ruin your self esteem. Competition is at stake anywhere. Be healthy enough to compete, but in a healthy competition that is.

• With people:  Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers… all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self esteem, as well as to yourself improvement scheme.

• Change:  Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for awhile, it may cause stress but it will help us find ways to improve our selves. Change will be there forever, we must be susceptible to it.  Focus on the positive parts of the change.  It will take some getting used to, but remember the old adage “Change is good.”

• Past Experiences:  It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson.

  Acknowledge it, get past it, and don’t dwell on it.  Letting go of the past is so important in a healthy lifestyle.  We can’t change what has happened to us in the past.  It’s important to focus on the future.

• The World:  There are so many awful things that happen in this world.  It can bring most people down.  Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations.

• Genetics:  The way you are and your behavioral traits is said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing (psychic), and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, the company, the economy or your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your father is a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.

In ending today’s post just remember to keep yourself in a positive environment as much as possible.  Don’t let others put their trash in your mind.  You wouldn’t let them put trash in your house.  Clearly be yourself and what makes you happy.

Please leave your comment if I missed anything.  I know there is always more to learn.  Thank You.

Debbie Dee