SELF-NURTURING

Rebutting your critical inner voice is an important step, but it is not enough. Since our self-esteem is in part due to how others have treated us in the past, the second step to more healthy self-esteem is to begin to treat you as a worthwhile person.  Always remember “God Doesn’t Make Junk.”

Start to challenge past negative experiences or messages by nurturing and caring for yourself in ways that show that you are valuable, competent, deserving and lovable. There are several components to self-nurturing:

First and foremost, practice basic self-care.  Get enough sleep, eat in a healthy fashion, get regular exercise, practice good hygiene, and so forth.  A healthy mind is dependent on a healthy body.  When you take care of the outside, it is natural that taking care of the inside will follow which means more happiness within.

You should plan fun and relaxing things for yourself.  You could go to a movie, take a nap, get a massage, plant a garden, get a new hairdo, or learn to meditate-whatever you enjoy.  Try new things to help you pamper yourself.   For myself I like reading a good book or just playing or doing something with my grandkids.  Playing with the grandkids helps me be a kid again and we all need to remember to be a kid once in a while.

Reward yourself for your accomplishments – big and small!  You could take the night off to celebrate good grades, spend time with a friend, or compliment yourself for making that hard phone call.  It doesn’t matter how small the accomplishment might seem, you deserve to celebrate every single little step.  Try a little chocolate ice cream, or allowing you to relax and just do nothing.  It doesn’t matter as long as it’s a reward for YOU, whatever makes you happy!

You should always remind yourself of your strengths and achievements.  This may seem daunting – especially when you have a low self-image.  How do you find those strengths?

One way is to make a list of things you like about yourself. Or keep a ’success’ file of awards, certificates and positive letters or citations. Keep mementos of accomplishments you are proud of where you can see them.  Focus on anything and everything.  No matter how small it may seem, if you succeeded and are proud of it, focus on it and celebrate!

A huge step you can take is to forgive yourself when you don’t do all that you hoped to do.  Self-nurturing can be surprisingly hard if you are not used to doing it. Don’t be critical of yourself-remember that inner voice -when you don’t do it just right.  Reward yourself for trying in the first place.  That’s a huge step towards the positive YOU that you want to be!

There will be times when you don’t feel you deserve to nurture yourself.  This is when you need it the most!  “Fake it” until you can “make it.” When you treat yourself like you deserve to feel good and be nurtured, slowly you’ll come to believe it.  You’ll be amazed at how you’ll feel when you let go of the trash and embrace the jewels.

You may find yourself a bit lost during this process.  It is also important to enlist the help of others in this process.

CALLING OUT “THE TROOPS”

Getting help from others is often the most important step a person can take to improve his or her self-esteem, but it can also be the most difficult. People with low self-esteem often don’t ask for help because they feel they don’t deserve it.

But since low self-esteem is often caused by how other people treated you in the past, you may need the help of other people in the present to challenge the critical messages that come from negative past experiences.  My husband has been a big help for me.  You see at one time my self-esteem was low, but by understanding where the problem came from I have been able to fix it and find that happiness within.

Ask for support from your friends.  Have them tell you what they like about you and what they think you do well.  Have someone around just to vent to when you are feeling low.  This person is your sounding board.  He or she should allow you to express yourself without trying to fix things. This approach will make them happy to help and you happy to have someone listen to you.

You may also ask for a hug when you need one.  Dr. Leo Buscaglia, also known as “The Hug Doctor” advocates hugging as a therapeutic measure in all situations.  Sometimes the physical contact can fix anything by making you feel worthy of that hug.  It may sound silly, but try it – it really does work!

There are plenty of other people who can help you with your self-esteem.  Talk to the people that love you and want to see you succeed.  It makes people feel good to help, so don’t take that away from them.  We all need help of some sort in our lives.

Consider taking classes or trying out new activities to increase your sense of competence.  You could take extra classes, join an exercise group, or find community classes in something that interests you such as scrap booking or karate.   Get out of your comfort zone and choose to be happy one step at a time.

If the problem really is too over-whelming for you to deal with on your own, you may want to talk to a therapist or counselor.  Sometimes low self-esteem can feel so painful or difficult to overcome that the professional help of a therapist or counselor is needed.  Talking to a counselor is a good way to learn more about your self-esteem issues and begin to improve your self-esteem.

Please leave any added tips that I could have missed and you feel might help other.  Just go to the comments and tell me about them, so can share them.

Thank You,
Debbie Dee