POSITIVE SELF-TALK

A critical first step is to realize and accept that you are not alone in this.  Many, many people suffer from low self-esteem.  They range from high-ranking government officials to celebrities to the postman or the lady down the road.  They are all in this with you whether they make it publicly known or not.

You need to realize that you are a wonderful, individual and special person – and there is no one quite like you. Your fingerprints and your DNA are totally different from everybody else’s – unless you happen to have an identical twin.

And your mind – and how it thinks and operates – is absolutely your own. This means that out of six billion people in the world, you are a one-of-a-kind. So if nature has bothered to make you utterly unique, don’t you feel that you should accept that you’re important, and that you have as much right as anyone else to be to be Happy?

You have other rights too. One of them is the right to make mistakes. Don’t forget that ‘to err is human’ and most of us do much of our learning through getting things wrong before we get them right. Mistakes are learning experiences!

Furthermore, we have the right to respect ourselves – and to be respected: this is very important. And finally – and perhaps most vitally of all – we have the right to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ for ourselves, this is imperative for happiness within.

Many people with poor self-esteem think that they’re not very important and that their views carry no weight. Is this you? If so, try to stop these destructive thoughts; because if you go around believing them, you’ll encourage other people to believe them too.  People see you like you see yourself.

Instead, start thinking of yourself – with your individual DNA, fingerprints and mind – as someone who has rights and opinions and ideas that are just as valid as anyone else’s. This will help you to improve your ‘self-estimation’.

The key to positive self-esteem is to remember that you have control over your situation: When feeling glum about a character flaw, remind yourself that you can take action to change yourself and shape your future.  An example of this is, I don’t like my nose (I have a birth mark on it), and so I do other things making my hair attractive to draw attention away from my nose.  I choose to be happy about other parts that I feel look better.

This is a good time to start journaling – if you haven’t already.  Journaling can be an amazingly therapeutic tool in raising not only your self-esteem, but also discovering new and exciting things about yourself that you might not have known.

Begin with a big project.  In your journal, list 25 good things about you.  This may seem like a daunting task, but I’m willing to bet that you can come up with them if you really try.  Anytime a negative thought pops into your head, push it out and write down what you were going to in the first place.

You need to take stock of your positive qualities and your strengths.  You have them, just look inside yourself.  Can you whip up a mean batch of brownies?  That’s something!  Maybe you’re a whiz at surfing the net.  Not everyone is adept at that – write it down!  Every little thing counts, so take note and be proud!

The next thing I want you to do is write in your journal, 10 things you want to improve in yourself.  Don’t look at these as your shortcomings or weaknesses.  They are simply things you need or want to change.  Next to each entry, write a way that you can change that aspect of yourself.

For example, if you feel you’re lazy, go ahead and write that down, but also write down ways you could be less lazy.  Find something that will motivate you – perhaps a reward system.  It works in the schools; it could work with you too!

Don’t concentrate on this list too much.  The idea here is to acknowledge that there are parts of you that you want to work on and then set about doing just that!

Finally, take a moment to dream in your journal.  Find something, or several things, which you would like to do.  Maybe you want to learn to scuba dive.  Write it down and make an action plan.  You’ll need to find a place that teaches scuba diving, and then enroll in the class!

Maybe you want to know more about Greek mythology.  Call a community college and see if they offer a class and then sign up for it.  Maybe you could find the class online.  Just look and then go for it!

Now that you have a base journal, you need to accentuate the positive aspects of your life.  Find a moment at the end of each day and write down at least one good thing that you did that day.  Write down something that happened that you’re proud of.

Maybe you stood up to a co-worker who’s been giving you trouble.  Perhaps you befriended that new person in the office.  There is nothing too small to write here.  Everything counts.  We’re focusing on the positive things in your life.  When you have them down in black and white (or red or blue – whatever ink color you prefer), they become real and true.  That’s what you should focus on – every day!

You will also need to daily give yourself a little pep talk.  Don’t base your perception of yourself on what others think of you.  This is destructive.  No one else knows you better than YOU!  Look in the mirror every morning and say something positive.

“Your hair looks great”

“You can do anything you want to do”

“You are a worthy person and people should listen to you”

Etc.

It can be anything at all – as long as it’s something positive about you.  Remember that everyone feels this way sometimes.  Don’t compare yourself to others.  Even the popular girl thinks nobody likes her.  You are a unique individual with great qualities that you can share.  Stand up and be heard!

Often we make ourselves unhappy because we go over and over mistakes that we have made. But we can feel happier, and improve our self-esteem, if we re-think those things we believe we have done wrong or badly.

When you have a bad day, or something goes wrong in your relationship or at work, write in your journal an account of what went right with that episode, not what went wrong. The results will surprise you – and improve how you see yourself.  Your happiness within is going to improve.

Choose happiness and keep the positive talk going.

If you have anything to add, please leave me a comment.  Love to hear it.  Thank you and have a HAPPY DAY!

Debbie Dee