There are actually three “faces” that people with low self-esteem wear.  See if you see yourself in any of these personalities:

• The Imposer: acts like they have the secret to happiness and successful, but is really terrified of failure.  The imposer lives with the constant fear that she or he will be “found out.”  They need continuous success to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem, which may lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition and burn-out.

• The Rebel: acts like the opinions or good will of others – especially people who are important or powerful, don’t matter.   The rebel lives with constant anger about not feeling “good enough”.  They continuously need to prove that others’ judgments and criticisms don’t hurt, which may lead to problems like blaming others excessively, breaking rules or laws, or fighting authority.

• The Loser: acts helpless and unable to cope with the world and waits for someone to come to the rescue.  The loser uses self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing his or her life.  They look constantly to others for guidance, which can lead to such problems as lacking assertiveness skills, under-achievement and excessive reliance on others in relationships.

So what does a person with healthy self-esteem look like?  These people exhibit happiness within and the following qualities.

• Hold themselves as worthy to be loved and to love others, worthy to be cared for and to care for others, worthy to be nurtured and to nurture others, worthy to be touched and supported and to touch and support others, worthy to be listened to and to listen to others, worthy to be recognized and to recognized others, worthy to be encouraged and to encourage others, worthy to be reinforced as “good” people and to recognize others as “good” people.  They have chosen happiness.

• They are capable of being creative, imaginative, problem solvers; of being risk takers, optimistic in their approach to life and in the attainment of their personal goals to keep their happiness within.

• Are leaders and are skillful in dealing with people.  They are neither too independent nor too dependent on others.  They have the ability to size up a relationship and adjust to the demands of the interaction.

• Have a healthy self-concept.  Their perception of themselves is in synchrony with the picture of themselves they project to others.

• They are able to accept the responsibility for and consequences of their actions.  They do not resort to shifting the blame or using others as scapegoats for actions that have resulted in a negative outcome.

• They are altruistic.  They have a legitimate concern for the welfare of others.  They are not self-centered or egotistical in their outlook on life.  They do not take on the responsibility for others in an over-responsible way.  They help others accept the responsibility for their own actions.  They are, however always ready to help anyone who legitimately needs assistance or guidance.

• Have healthy coping skills.  They are able to handle the stresses in their lives in a productive way.  They are able to put the problems, concerns, issues, and conflicts that come their way into perspective.  They are able to keep their lives in perspective without becoming too idealistic or too morose.

• They are survivors in the healthiest sense of the word.  They have a good sense of humor and are able to keep a balance of work and fun in their lives. In this way they are always choosing happiness.

• Look to the future with excitement, a sense of adventure and optimism.  They recognize their potential for success and visualize their success in the future.  They have dreams, aspirations, and hopes for the future.  Nothing is going to take away their happiness within.

• They are goal oriented with a sense of balance in working toward their goals.  They know from where they have come, where they are now, and where they are going.

Does this sound like someone you want to be like?  Well, it can be!  There are so many steps you can take to raise your self-worth and stop suffering from low self-esteem.  You will be a much better and happier person for it and enjoy a wonderfully fulfilling life of happiness within.

Next we will be addressing the inner voice that we all care with us.

Until then I would love your comments on what we have covered so far when it come to our self-esteem.

Debbie Dee